It doesn�t feel the way it did.

This time around, I�m stepping at the same pace I always do, no special eye-twinkle or facial glow. Instead of letting work worries wash off me, I�m spending more time stressing over the work that isn�t done instead of anticipating the world debut of the stellar stuff that�s already complete.

There couldn�t even be an eager early-morning bagel � we�ve switched Bagel Day to Fridays.

Still, season two premieres tonight, and despite the been-there, done-that feel of The Big Night, I can muster some excitement. We�re unleashing these people upon the world, whether or not they and the audience are quite prepared for it. I�m just as proud of what I do as I�ve ever been, but this isn�t our show�s first starry-eyed moment in the sun any more. This is just� routine. It�s what we do now.

I�ve come pretty far since season one�s premiere. Despite script headaches and an episode that just won�t come together, I�ve gotten better at my job, gotten more assertive in the cutting room and become more respected by my coworkers. I no longer reek of Eau de Rookie. Certainly things have and will continue to go awry, but the feeling of wading off into the unknown without malaria shots and a map is no longer afflicting me.

But there�s a level of pure love that�s missing � a piece of my soul I didn�t lose to this season�s slate of episodes. We�ll never have a cast like we did the first time. This year, we got drama, but we didn�t get the same warm feeling of loving each and every finalist despite their varied and rampant oddities. We didn�t get invested in their successes and failures. We didn�t wish, with every fiber of our beings, that one girl or guy could win the whole thing because he/she desperately needed a major life change. I feel that�s reflected in the shows � not much to develop because there�s not much character behind these kids� pretty faces. We can only pray the audience doesn�t feel the same. Because even though we�re not as enamored of this year�s cast, we still want to come back for a third go-round. We need viewers to feel the same.

Oh, except that we�re up against new ER episodes this time around, whereas last summer it was rerun episodes. So that can only hurt us.

At least there�s a fancy party in Hollywood to boost our spirits, complete with an open bar and a blooper reel of the cast�s weirder, wilder and more sexually charged moments. Doug can�t come, so I�m bringing Lauren as my date, introducing her to the show and my coworkers for the first time, and she�s very eager to enjoy the night. Maybe her First will fill the gap now that I�m no longer a broadcast virgin.

reading "aol.com" by kara swisher � finally picked that back up, again watching this hoping the ratings come back strong, like last year what it all means i�ll always be proud of the show, no matter what � and i hope my feeling of dread about its episodes passes