So, we were talking about porn, see.

It happens.

Heather: Ah, porn.
Heather: Nothing like "excuse me, ma'am, i'm here to fix your plumbing/copy machine/garden hose"
Dr. No: Plus those clothes are just so wrong.
Heather: Itchy. Desperate to be sodden and torn off.
Dr. No: As clothes ought to be, really.
Dr. No: I love how all the guys are skanky and gross, too. In straight porn, I mean. I don't think the gays put up with that mess.
Heather: Oh, I know. Straight porn demands less of its actors than gay porn. The gays want the HOT.
Heather: Don't they know that straight women ALSO want the hot? Don't they? Our standards are higher than you think, Vivid Video!
Dr. No: I don't know that porn producers are that concerned with anyone outside their target audience (read: big, ugly men who can't get any cuz they're so ugly, and therefore enjoy watching similarly ugly men get extremely busty women to give it up)
Heather: yeah, you are right.
Heather: I need to start a company that makes porn for straight women.
Dr. No: And there really needs to be some higher quality straight porn, because it's all just bunk if you ask me.
Heather: I totally agree. I could raise the standards. I mean, it's still hard-core naughty, and everything, but the story... it cuts at your very essence.
Dr. No: Yeah, porn needs more essence!
Heather: "One woman's struggle to find the daughter she gave up for adoption, so she can see her before she dies of cancer. And all the men she fucks in seedy motels along the way."
Dr. No: "The touching story of a country girl who moves to the big city to pursue her dreams of success, and all the hummers she gives to get there."
Heather: "Union Jock: A girl's struggle to come to terms with homesickness as she takes a job as ambassador to US in England, and comforts herself nightly with the rock-hard cocks of footballers."
Dr. No: "Moppets Take Man-Hardon: An adorable group of sweet, virginal teens travel to the Big Apple to become Broadway stars. Along the way they discover love and the heartbreak of remorse, as well as lots and lots of hot, skanky lesbo action."
Heather: That is the best title in the world.
Heather: If You Erect It They Will Come: A widower and his young son try to bring baseball back to the heartland, to save a town, and in the search for a mother for his innocent, smart little boy, the man gives multiple orgasms to the players' wives.
Dr. No: Hee! I was trying to come up with porn titles based on current films and found several of them need no adjusting. Such as "The Italian Job" or "Daddy Day Care"
Heather: "Lord of the Cock Rings"
Dr. No: HA!
Dr. No: "XXX"
Dr. No: "A Man Apart (With a Really Big Penis)"
Heather: "2 Fast, 2 Furious"
Dr. No: Oh please, that first one was practically gay porn anyway.
Heather: "(Go) Down With Love"
Dr. No: "X2: X-Men United at the Pelvis
Heather: "The Dominatrix, Reloaded"
Dr. No: "Wrong Turn (Up the Tailpipe)"
Heather: "Numb and Numberer: When Harry Met Lloyd"
Dr. No: "Harry Potter and the Chamber of S&M"
Heather: Potter? He hardly knows 'er!
Dr. No: "One Hour Naughty Photo"
Heather: "Spanking Nemo"
Dr. No: "Finding Nympho"
Heather: Even better.
Heather: "Pie Another Day." Or, "Pie Another Way"
Dr. No: Ooh, a double-double entendre!
Heather: I am fiendish
Dr. No: "Monster Balls"
Heather: "Moulin Spooge"
Dr. No: Oh...no...you...di'in't! I LOVE IT!
Dr. No: "The Other Side of Heaven Jones"
Heather: "The Sweetest Wang"
Dr. No: "Gangbangs of New York"
Heather: "I Mount Schmidt"
Dr. No: Hee. "As Good as It Gets Me Off"
Heather: "Girls Just Wanna Have Cum"
Dr. No: Okay, that's just wrong.
Heather: Woo!
Dr. No: "Frisky Business"
Heather: "Sixteen Man-Candles"
Dr. No: "The Sex-fest Club"
Heather: "Ferris Bueller's Getting Off." Or, "Ferris Bueller's Gay-Off."
Dr. No: "St. Elmo's Firecrotch"
Heather: "One Crazy Hummer"
Dr. No: "Adventures in Babysitting Ron Jeremy"

That's what happens on a Thursday afternoon.

Also, read this from The Onion. It's funny and it only gets funnier as it goes along.

Gotta love Torrid Thursday.